New Veras Vengeance 2: And On My Day Off, Too

Man, Drachon is going to regret having bought this permanent ink... hope he didn't like this poem too much, hehe. Not enough blood mentioned, anyway.

Also, you ђค๔Ŧ คєŦlןเ, I'm sitting on your chest right now writing in your precious notebook because you can't handle the heat. That's right! If you just unbound me I could be helping you out... but since I can't tell you that in person, I, Ahriman, shall detail exactly every fault you made along this road to show you why you are such a tเคl๔ภ๔ןєคl and why you deserve to be unconscious right now, if not worse.



That idiot half-orc (well, I suppose you're not always wrong) let you and your team know you were that, surprisingly, you had received a rare day off,  not that any of you slackers deserved it, unlike me, poor hardworking daemon who no one ever thanks. Anyway, for some reason that I still fail to fathom, you were joined by some other Ranger who was supposedly human, although I was getting a weird read off of him. Regardless, you went and visited some other higher-ups in the Veil and I didn't really pay attention. I don't think you were either. Ah well.

Afterwards you may a semi-intelligent choice to go the Spider's Eye, a local bar of dubious quality. There you met the bartender and may the mistake of not speaking clearly enough, which resulted in you receiving a drink the bartender referred to as "Poop." As much as I wish you would have, you didn't drink it, although you almost convinced the new Ranger, Mithan, to take a swig; you almost made me proud. However, you were supposed to be picking up some package for the bigwigs, but the idiot bartender couldn't be convinced you were Veil agents. I still think I was right in saying you should just burn the place down and search through the ashes, but nooo, no one listens to the daemon. You did see a mysterious figure walk in, and I recognized through my brilliance the air she had, and you were convinced she was another Veil higher-up, and decided to beg for her help after imbibing a very large amount of potent alcohol-- so much that you transferred some to me.

My memories thereafter are a bit more hazy, but I think you got on very well with the lady, so that was maybe the one right thing you did that night. You eventually got the package, and then noticed some undead guy playing a high stakes and tried to get involved, but you got shot down. Hard. He eventually offered your group employment, though, and despite your pleas for it being your day off, the rest of your team was apparently overcome by greed. You set off to act as the dead thing's bodyguards, and after a long walk arrived at a nobleman's palace. The dead thing was, ironically, supposed to heal the rich guy's daughter, and while he was off busy doing something one of you pissed off the noble (let's face it, it could have been any of you, you're all complete ฬคקקlєгร). He threatened to kill you and some other stuff that I quite enjoyed hearing someone other than me say, before eventually acquisicing to allowing you to recover some treasure that he wanted but coudln't be bothered to use his guards to retrieve. He had also, of course, forgotten the password to turn off the traps.

Heedless of any type of common sense, you all traipsed downwards and entered the hallway. For some reason Mithan had bought the entire barrel of Poop from the bar, and carried it all the way, so he ended up tying it to a length of rope and using it as an impromptu trap-setter-offer, after having you freeze it. What followed next was a long, complex series of actions where all of you sadly failed to get horribly mauled by any number of devious traps. I got my hopes up when you entered a secret side room and lava began to flow, but unfortunately I was also in the room at the time, so a hasty retreat was in order. I suspect the treasure chest was schmuck bait anyway... which is why you fell for it, he he.

Eventually you made it to the end of the corridor and impressively figured out you needed to press the plaque that read "Press me" instead  of the three buttons below it... well, it'd be impressive if you were a mentally stunted baby bearsheep. Several of you entered the hallway that opened, and rocks began to fall. I was quite happy to see the rocks crush and maul two of your teammates (Mithan and Frug, or whatever their names are) and would have been quite happy to see you follow, except you punted me in.

For that, if nothing else, you deserve what happened to you.

Eventually the rest of you came through the illusion (of course, I knew it was an illusion the entire time) and you made it to the final room, where Tyr spotted a Gelatinous Cube, right after Mithan freaked out thinking we'd come across a Demi-Lich.

Incidentally, they're pretty cool guys once you get to know them. But I digress.

You saw the box behind it, and attempted to eliminate the cube. You succeeded, for the most part, although at one point you left me behind with a GIANT FLESHCRAVING CUBE and I would have died if I hadn't teleported back to you. I will admit that channeling fire again was nice, but it was not worth being slapped by a misshapen chunk of goo.

Anyway, despite your group's lack of anything resembling talent, you defeated the thing, and Mithan decided to open the box, despite your warnings. In it was a necklace, which seemed mostly normal (I saw its vast power but since you almost let me die I didn't feel particularly inclined to tell you). But then, for reasons beyond me, Frug wanted to put it on... and when he suddenly changed his mind, you did it instead.

And you passed out, you ฬเץץєгคгรςђ. What'd you expect, putting a magical artifect like that on your neck?

Obviously you should have put it on ME. Yeeeeesss.

Anyway, Frug also collapsed for reasons I'm not sure (empthay? I dunno). They dragged your sorry ครร back to the entrance hall, and it turned out that the noble wanted only the box, and let you keep the necklace, like we had a lot of choice (it refused to budge from your thick neck). It probably helped that his daughter wasn't dead or something like that. And then the dead guy gave you the money he owed you. Then despite my insistences to the contrary, they brought you back to the Veil, gave the original package tot he Yeti-dude, and took you the Infirmary. And here I sit on your still comatose frame.

You better get better soon. Not because I like you or anything, I'm just bored here and I want you read about how much you screwed up. Besides, if you don't wake up, I'll never find out what that necklace is doing. And I'm curious.

Very curious.

Ah, you're starting to mutter something. "And on my day off too?" Well, it's your fault, ya คןŦคlєгק๏. I better stop now so I can shove it in your face as soon as you open your weak eyes. Heh.

(-HTMC)